Boundaries

You may have problems with boundaries if:

1. You find yourself often taking on more than you want and feel resentful because of it.
2. You don’t speak up when you are in a relationship that is smothering for fear of being alone again.
3. People seek you out to talk about their problems, but never seem to have time to listen to yours.
4. Your children seem like they are more in charge than you. They don't listen, argue with you, and make you feel guilty.
5. You feel guilty when you want to do something on your own, because you don’t want to hurt others.
6. Your parents want you to come to their house for Christmas Eve, but your husband wants to establish your own family traditions in your home. You side with your parents, for fear you will cause them hurt. Your husband is angry.

 

These are just a few of the many examples that illustrate boundary issues. So what is a healthy boundary? This is a complicated answer, but here are a few traits of healthy boundaries:

1. There is a healthy amount of physical and emotional distance with others, which helps you to not become overly dependent or too detached.
2. You can say no to another person safely, and know they will still love you or care about you.
3. When someone else violates your rights, emotionally or physically, you choose to stand up for yourself and possibly end the relationship, depending on the severity of the violation.

Most people struggle with knowing what a healthy boundary is and how to maintain good boundaries. Sometimes, others step over the line so subtly that it can be hard to recognize. Most of what we learned about boundaries comes from our families and community. In other words if your family rule was “anger is not ok”, more than likely you will fear expressing anger in other relationships, even when you have a right to be angry.

Unhealthy boundaries can cause a number of unhealthy symptoms including co-dependency, martyrdom, feeling smothered, feeling emotionally drained, riddled with guilt, anxiety, depression and many more.

 

To find out how well you do with boundaries in your life, consider the following books, or email Karen now, to begin taking your life back:

“When to Say Yes, and How to Say No to Take Control of Your Life”- by Henry Cloud and John Townsend.

“Boundaries and Relationships: Knowing, Protecting and Enjoying the Self” - by Charles Whitfield

“Setting Boundaries with Your Adult Children, Six Steps to Hope and Healing for Struggling Parents"- by Allison Bottke

To begin feeling happier and more secure with your boundaries (and thus your overall life)
call Karen now at 920-884-1145 or email her today.

 

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